[She doesn't want to burden Rosinante with what's going on. Compared to some of the other things people have to deal with, it sounds so foolish to make anything about herself. But she can tell that something's definitely not great for him either, if he's admitting to her that it's not a good time.
She'll talk first, to make it easier for him.]
It's Newt. I know he hasn't been himself, not for a while now. But it was still his face I had to look into when his hands were around my throat. It was still his hands that held a knife, his body that held me down.
[Frowning, she leans in a little more on him.]
It's not that I don't trust him. I still want to. But it's hard to block out his face in the nightmares I've been having since we've come back.
[He sucks in a slow breath, then gives a gentle squeeze.]
I'm sorry.
[That's not the sort of thing she should have to deal with. She's one of the most resilient people he's ever met, but that isn't enough to make those nightmares go away.]
It's not an easy thing to overcome. Especially not when it's someone who you want to remember as a good friend.
[He's glad to hear Clara say so, even if he can imagine how hard it is to stay friends with someone in those circumstances. She's being remarkably level-headed, but then, that's how she is, isn't she? It's admirable.]
No, it wasn't. And I've told him as much, too. I got to talk to him over the network when he was trapped with those things still in his head. Had to try to reassure him we didn't all hate him. He wasn't the one doing those things.
It's going to take time. And I don't care how I have to do it, but I'm going to make sure he knows how loved he is.
[If anyone can force love into someone's life, particularly after an ordeal like possession? It's her. So she has a slight smile on her face, one that's still there when she glances up to look at him.]
I could use your help, actually. We need to find a way to keep him busy, without letting him get too worn down.
Sure. Good idea, get his mind off all that. Did you have anything in mind? I know he likes music a lot.
[Any walk past the lab will tell anyone that. In fact, it was the lack of tunes blasting in the lab when Rosinante was in there last, before the most recent mission, that tipped him off that something was truly wrong.]
He does. [She agrees, rubbing at her chin as she mulls over a few ideas.]
But he also needs to keep his hands busy. Maybe we could do some sort of music simulation for him? Let him live out his rock star dreams while we act as backup. Though, that might be too much after everything.
[But it sort of does sound like a lot to jump right into. Hm.]
If he's not ready for something like that, we could always set up the sim room as a bar, but the quiet type. Some small-time band on stage, hang out and listen and have a few drinks. Might ease him into socializing.
[But he likes her idea better, just in general. Maybe he secretly has rock star dreams too and just never knew.]
[Perfect for both her and Newt, she thinks. Not only will it be therapeutic to dabble in music, it'll be an excellent way for them to bond again after everything. So she looks a little excited by the prospect, giving an eager nod.]
I have half a mind to go set things up right now.
[But she has to control some of that eagerness, and wait until the time is right.]
[Her enthusiasm brings a steady grin to his face, and he pats her shoulder gently.]
Let's make sure he's ready. I'll brainstorm some ideas too, but I might leave a lot of the creative part up to you, if that's all right. You can probably make something a lot closer to the sort of place he'd be familiar with.
[She grins, nodding eagerly. She's so grateful to have Rosi on board with this. While she could manage it on her own, it's better because he's involved. So she holds up her arm, palm turned as she waits for a high five.
About two seconds later, she realizes high fives may not be a thing where he's from.]
Don't leave me hanging!
[She protests with a laugh, waving her hand a bit.]
[Right, it takes him a second. But he's seen this around the Ximilia by now, and reaches his far, far larger hand to clap against hers.]
Got lost daydreaming about a nice quiet bar. I miss places like that. Old, creaky wood floors, a fire going in the corner, wind and waves howling outside. Not something I ever thought I'd feel nostalgic for that.
[Laughing a bit, she pushes against his hand. She's tiny and he's practically a giant compared to her, so it's fun to see if she can push his hand back any.]
Sounds perfect if you ask me.
[And she makes a mental note to make something just like that for Rosi. There's no harm in coming up with something that cheers up Newt and offers Rosinante some nostalgia.]
Maybe you can even invite Law to come along. He'd like something like that too, wouldn't he?
[He laughs quietly, as he has another draw of his cigarette, then leans back on a hand. His smile turns wistful.]
It's funny how much I still don't know. Missing thirteen years of someone's life... I dunno. For me it was just yesterday. I still think of him as a kid sometimes. I keep finding new gaps to try and fill in but I hate asking him questions over and over.
[Clara presses her hand against his back, giving a bit of a soothing rub.]
You shouldn't. I don't know him well, but I can tell he'd be happy to answer any question you had.
[She reassures him, giving an eager nod. Law seems a bit like a hothead at times, but she's sure he has patience for Rosinante. How could anyone not? He's such a good man.]
It's not like you meant to lose thirteen years. You've been here.
[Though that makes her have some very uncomfortable thoughts and questions that pop up, all related to timelines and the way things here work.]
[Obviously she's right, he just gets self-conscious, and it's hard to constantly be met with reminders of how much he missed out on. Still, obviously if the choice was to have him here or not to, then he knows which he'd pick.]
I have. And the alternative is worse. Not being here means I probably wouldn't be anywhere at all right now. In a casket, I guess.
[Figuratively, anyway. More literally... Well, it gets gruesome to think about the end results of burial at sea.]
So if anything, it's all made me more intent on doing as the orbs ask. I don't want to waste the opportunity I have here.
[A hand rests on his arm, gentle and reassuring. She knows exactly where he's coming from. But they don't need to get into that. Not when his focus is on the time he missed with Law.]
The time the two of you have together here is a gift. And I'd be incredibly cross if you wasted it.
[It's the first time he's admitted in actual words to anyone other than Law that he's supposed to be dead, though he knows others have worked it out. She doesn't seem bothered, but then again, it isn't that he expected her or anyone else to. It's harder for him to accept it himself. Oh, he'd worked out in those last several hours that it was probably inevitable, but he wasn't actually ready, not by a long shot.
He sighs, and covers her hand with his. Manages a smile, after a moment, though it's weak.]
Wouldn't want to make you cross, that's worse than playing dice with the orbs. I bet you're terrifying when you're angry.
[She laughs, arching her eyebrows as if he's onto something. Clara knows she can be downright vindictive and awful and scary when she's truly mad. And she hopes Rosi never has to see her like that. So far, only the elder Doctor has.]
But I doubt I'm the most frightening person here when they're angry. Surely there's someone worse?
[But she has a hard time imagining anyone angry with him. He's one of the kindest, best men she's ever met.]
Oh, sure, gotta be. Probably someone you'd never expect, too. ... Marta, maybe. That's how you awaken her secret hidden powers, make her angry. Her eyes suddenly glow red.
[Man, wouldn't that be something? Makes him laugh, which helps, and his smile stays bright a few seconds before slowly fading.]
Or there's Law, but he doesn't really get mad at me. Not these days. It's all bluster. Not like when he was a little shrimp who hated my guts. You ever have a kid try to kill you? Takes some kind of determination.
[Clara makes a soft sound, trying to project amusement rather than the fact she's trying to get a feel for what sort of people could ever be mad at someone like him. In her mind, he's too kind and sweet to warrant anger.]
Can't say I've ever had a child try to kill me. Had one that was indirectly responsible for my death, but I'm not about to put that on a baby.
[Before he has time to respond to that snippet of information she's just dropped in his lap, she quickly adds on —]
[Right, that's - he might have to come back to that later. Just as he might have to come back to admitting it's Daisy who's actually angry with him right now. He does want to tell her, because it's weighing on him so greatly, but it's also so easy to dodge giving real answers. Bad habit.
At her question, he thinks a moment, but then shakes his head.]
I'm not sure I can imagine it from either of them. One seems so eager to stay upbeat, and the other, mm. I can't get a read on the older-looking one, actually. He's perceptive, but difficult. The younger one I've seen be awfully serious at times, though it was... empathetic. Patient.
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...Me either.
[Only fair to say so, too. She shouldn't be the only one. She's not alone here.]
But I'm here to listen if you want to talk about it.
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She'll talk first, to make it easier for him.]
It's Newt. I know he hasn't been himself, not for a while now. But it was still his face I had to look into when his hands were around my throat. It was still his hands that held a knife, his body that held me down.
[Frowning, she leans in a little more on him.]
It's not that I don't trust him. I still want to. But it's hard to block out his face in the nightmares I've been having since we've come back.
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I'm sorry.
[That's not the sort of thing she should have to deal with. She's one of the most resilient people he's ever met, but that isn't enough to make those nightmares go away.]
It's not an easy thing to overcome. Especially not when it's someone who you want to remember as a good friend.
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[She gently insists, leaning into his hold on her.]
But I hope that everyone is able to move on past what happened. It wasn't his fault what happened.
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No, it wasn't. And I've told him as much, too. I got to talk to him over the network when he was trapped with those things still in his head. Had to try to reassure him we didn't all hate him. He wasn't the one doing those things.
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[If anyone can force love into someone's life, particularly after an ordeal like possession? It's her. So she has a slight smile on her face, one that's still there when she glances up to look at him.]
I could use your help, actually. We need to find a way to keep him busy, without letting him get too worn down.
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[Any walk past the lab will tell anyone that. In fact, it was the lack of tunes blasting in the lab when Rosinante was in there last, before the most recent mission, that tipped him off that something was truly wrong.]
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But he also needs to keep his hands busy. Maybe we could do some sort of music simulation for him? Let him live out his rock star dreams while we act as backup. Though, that might be too much after everything.
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[But it sort of does sound like a lot to jump right into. Hm.]
If he's not ready for something like that, we could always set up the sim room as a bar, but the quiet type. Some small-time band on stage, hang out and listen and have a few drinks. Might ease him into socializing.
[But he likes her idea better, just in general. Maybe he secretly has rock star dreams too and just never knew.]
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[Perfect for both her and Newt, she thinks. Not only will it be therapeutic to dabble in music, it'll be an excellent way for them to bond again after everything. So she looks a little excited by the prospect, giving an eager nod.]
I have half a mind to go set things up right now.
[But she has to control some of that eagerness, and wait until the time is right.]
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Let's make sure he's ready. I'll brainstorm some ideas too, but I might leave a lot of the creative part up to you, if that's all right. You can probably make something a lot closer to the sort of place he'd be familiar with.
[And familiarity, hopefully, means comfort.]
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About two seconds later, she realizes high fives may not be a thing where he's from.]
Don't leave me hanging!
[She protests with a laugh, waving her hand a bit.]
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[Right, it takes him a second. But he's seen this around the Ximilia by now, and reaches his far, far larger hand to clap against hers.]
Got lost daydreaming about a nice quiet bar. I miss places like that. Old, creaky wood floors, a fire going in the corner, wind and waves howling outside. Not something I ever thought I'd feel nostalgic for that.
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Sounds perfect if you ask me.
[And she makes a mental note to make something just like that for Rosi. There's no harm in coming up with something that cheers up Newt and offers Rosinante some nostalgia.]
Maybe you can even invite Law to come along. He'd like something like that too, wouldn't he?
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[He laughs quietly, as he has another draw of his cigarette, then leans back on a hand. His smile turns wistful.]
It's funny how much I still don't know. Missing thirteen years of someone's life... I dunno. For me it was just yesterday. I still think of him as a kid sometimes. I keep finding new gaps to try and fill in but I hate asking him questions over and over.
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You shouldn't. I don't know him well, but I can tell he'd be happy to answer any question you had.
[She reassures him, giving an eager nod. Law seems a bit like a hothead at times, but she's sure he has patience for Rosinante. How could anyone not? He's such a good man.]
It's not like you meant to lose thirteen years. You've been here.
[Though that makes her have some very uncomfortable thoughts and questions that pop up, all related to timelines and the way things here work.]
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I have. And the alternative is worse. Not being here means I probably wouldn't be anywhere at all right now. In a casket, I guess.
[Figuratively, anyway. More literally... Well, it gets gruesome to think about the end results of burial at sea.]
So if anything, it's all made me more intent on doing as the orbs ask. I don't want to waste the opportunity I have here.
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[A hand rests on his arm, gentle and reassuring. She knows exactly where he's coming from. But they don't need to get into that. Not when his focus is on the time he missed with Law.]
The time the two of you have together here is a gift. And I'd be incredibly cross if you wasted it.
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He sighs, and covers her hand with his. Manages a smile, after a moment, though it's weak.]
Wouldn't want to make you cross, that's worse than playing dice with the orbs. I bet you're terrifying when you're angry.
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[She laughs, arching her eyebrows as if he's onto something. Clara knows she can be downright vindictive and awful and scary when she's truly mad. And she hopes Rosi never has to see her like that. So far, only the elder Doctor has.]
But I doubt I'm the most frightening person here when they're angry. Surely there's someone worse?
[But she has a hard time imagining anyone angry with him. He's one of the kindest, best men she's ever met.]
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[Man, wouldn't that be something? Makes him laugh, which helps, and his smile stays bright a few seconds before slowly fading.]
Or there's Law, but he doesn't really get mad at me. Not these days. It's all bluster. Not like when he was a little shrimp who hated my guts. You ever have a kid try to kill you? Takes some kind of determination.
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Can't say I've ever had a child try to kill me. Had one that was indirectly responsible for my death, but I'm not about to put that on a baby.
[Before he has time to respond to that snippet of information she's just dropped in his lap, she quickly adds on —]
You haven't seen the Doctor angry, have you?
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At her question, he thinks a moment, but then shakes his head.]
I'm not sure I can imagine it from either of them. One seems so eager to stay upbeat, and the other, mm. I can't get a read on the older-looking one, actually. He's perceptive, but difficult. The younger one I've seen be awfully serious at times, though it was... empathetic. Patient.