[Daisy leans back in her seat with a surprised expression on her face,]
Wasn’t expecting that. Uh—
That my foster parents didn’t hate me.
[She tries to make her tone light, as if it doesn’t bother her in hindsight. But it still does, even after learning the truth behind why she kept hopping between foster families.]
[Poor girl. If she was sitting close enough he'd reach for her. Instead he frowns and runs a hand through his hair. He's thought plenty of times about how absurdly fortunate he managed to be despite all the misfortune of his childhood.]
Hm. Sure, sometimes. But never long enough to make me want to get out of it.
[He shrugs. Who doesn't regret their career choices sometimes? Who doesn't daydream about the other things they could have had?]
Ultimately, I think it's the right thing to do, and I'm good at it. Maybe when I'm older I'll give it all up, take a post on some warm sea and let the recruits do all the hard work. I hear reaction speeds start declining eventually.
[Hard maybe, though, and he shrugs. He's never any good at taking the easy route in life.]
Why do you sound so surprised? Yes, I've thought about eventually switching to something that's less likely to get me killed.
[He raises an eyebrow, then has the last of his coffee.
It's not himself he worries about, really. It's the people around him, how they'd feel if he wound up dead in action because he would rather keep fighting this endless fight than take a desk job.
Coffee gone, he feels like he has to elaborate just a little.]
I'd still be working toward the same goals. Maybe... end up someone else's CO for a change. Take intel, put it all together, see what it means. Get guys like the ones who drugged me today behind bars without having to be the person facing them myself. I'm sure you've heard just as well as I have - field agents don't tend to live very long. You get out, or you get killed.
[But he's not dead yet, and he's not about to give up any time soon. It's all things to think about for the future, when he's forty and can't keep up as well as he used to. If he makes it that far.]
[Daisy frowns, looking down at her coffee as he offers an explanation for his reason. She’s never thought about giving this up, it was her entire life. She doesn’t know what else she could or would do, despite knowing how dangerous it was. Just thinking of taking a backseat makes her feel anxious, and this entire time she thought they were both on the same page.
Then again, she never imagined they’d be anything more than friends. So these types of questions never came to her mind.]
I haven’t died yet.
[Daisy points out, as if it’s some sort of record. She tries to keep her tone teasing, even if she’s pretty upset by this revelation.]
[Which is, predictably, very honest. He's had his share of close calls, and he knows she has too. How do either of them decide to stop before it's too late? He's in no real rush to quit, himself - and what if that's a mistake?]
[But he smiles. It's a good sign, anyway - he'd rather they both look after each other than be completely callous to each other's struggles. Neither one has it easy.]
I do wish I wasn't so clumsy, but there's nothing I can do about it. Everyone has flaws, right?
Page 5 of 7