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"No one is completely selfless," Soldat mutters. Not even Steve could be that. That isn't what they're looking for. They're looking for something, anything, to put their this is a source of threat feeling a little more at ease, and so far nothing Rosinante has said is doing that. "And not all of us believe in ourselves. But. He makes me afraid. He's like."

The arm recalibrates noisily under their sleeve, and they pace across the room to the window, restless and peering through the slats of the boards covering the glass, making an excuse not to look at Rosinante. "You saw. My main handler. Alexander Pierce. Who said I shaped the century by killing people. He makes me think of him. Not the Inspector, not Steve, not even top brass in the army, what I remember of them. Of Pierce." They want badly to thunk their head a few times against the window boards in frustration at their own brain, but it would probably make Rosinante think even less of them to give into that kind of urge. "I don't know what that means."

"I don't know either," he says after a moment to consider what Soldat says. "But what I know about Pierce is that he was a man who used you for his own gain at the expense of others. He took you away from your life, made you hurt people you cared about. That's monstrous."

Evil, even, maybe. Hard to use that label when he knows he doesn't understand the whole story, but it's hard for him to imagine that the abuses Soldat was put through could ever truly be justifiable. There's a difference between making hard choices for the greater good and committing absolute atrocities.

"Most leaders aren't monsters. You know that already. And someone having a facade that makes them hard to like doesn't immediately mean they're out to hurt you or anyone here."

"Technically he bought me. From the Russians. But the rest is true." Which doesn't really matter, in the current situation. They know people who are hard to like-- Javert and Crowley and Scarlett, and even Steve a lot of the time-- and they like them. Cao Pi is not hard to like. Cao Pai something else.

None of this is making them feel any better than talking with Javert did, which probably means it's not going to feel any better. They're just going to have to deal. It's not like they haven't dealt with worse. Just means increased security protocols and careful watching, that's all. (Why are we like this. If I start listin' reasons, we'll be here all day.)

They do thunk their head, just once, but then turn around again, expression back in a habitual, safe neutral. "Thanks, Rosinante. For humoring me here. You know I'm not going to make trouble."

"Hey," he calls out with a frown, both looking and sounding genuinely concerned. Soldat's mysteries are less mysterious thanks to that book on PTSD, which was helpful in explaining a lot more than just how to cope with the aftermath of torture, though it doesn't make it too much easier to handle other people's issues. They've all developed their own particular brands of crazy and his own problems are numerous enough.

"It's not about humoring you. I really do want all of us to succeed, and I really do think he can help. But I know you've been through things you can't just ignore," he says. "Being here, dying, the spirits and the flood - it's hard for all of us. But we'll get through it together, okay?"

Hopefully. He's determined to give it his best shot, at least.

That book has probably been eye-opening for them both. Learning a little more about how their own brain works has been useful in a lot of ways. Still not always sure it makes sense, but it's a lot better than the fumbling they'd been doing before. (And knowing the word is "flashback" and not "memory malfunction" is also kinda nice.)

"I know. I don't want any more worlds to die, either." Soldat won't be used again, they know that much, but they're not alone either. And Javert at least took their concerns seriously. Maybe Rosinante will, too. So they look at the floor and say, "I'm not sure I can take direct orders from him. I don't want any more handlers. Can you or the Inspector relay anything he wants me to do, that isn't plain on the network?"

"Sure," he agrees. Chain of command, right? Only he certainly does not think of himself as above Soldat in any way - this is purely for practicality. They all need to be a little flexible.

"I'll let Cao Pi know. I don't think he'll have a problem with it." Especially because as this leadership thing goes forward, he's not likely to be issuing direct orders to every individual person here anyway - maybe it would be doable now with their numbers so greatly-reduced, but hopefully some day there will be far more of them again.

"And that goes the other way around, too - if there's a problem and you don't feel comfortable approaching him yourself, feel free to let me know. I'll pass it along."

And let Cao Pi know there's someone who isn't enthusiastic about obeying him. Get the man's guard up. That will make watching harder. Soldat doesn't even consider that it might make Cao Pi try to behave; their opinion isn't worth changing behavior for, and while they are definitely a physical threat, Cao Pi has supporters who are important people to Soldat. And they have not been historically good at taking that kind of initiative, anyway. He's safe enough.

After a beat, Soldat nods. "Thank you. I appreciate it." They glance up briefly, then back down. "Never thought I'd say I couldn't take orders." It's probably a good thing. It just means potential problems when you're the only one not taking orders from the group handler.

He shrugs. "I appreciate the honesty," he says in return. "We'll make it work out."

It is very helpful to know Soldat's limits. Sort of disappointing that this is one of them, because it does make trusting them a little bit more challenging if they're going to have issues acting as part of the larger group, but at the same time he appreciates and respects that it means Soldat might be accepting some aspect of individuality. Nobody should follow orders mindlessly. Rosinante himself respects authority but would never ask for blind obedience to it, for that goes against his own strongly-held values. So, it's a tradeoff, but one he's happy to work within.

Acting as part of the larger group? Nah, man. They already said they weren't going to make trouble. Interact directly with Cao Pi without shutting down, or possibly hurting him? That's the sticking point. Soldat does not trust the Asset to play nice, now that they know they don't want any more handlers, and now that Cao Pi has set himself up as handler to the whole town. And shut-downs are supposed to be avoided, per their promise to Aziraphale.

Better to watch from a distance. Make sure whatever Cao Pi really wants, it won't hurt their people. That if it's some selfish need to put himself above everyone else and manipulate people, it will wind up benefiting others anyway. That there's nothing worse than that.

So their shoulders relax a little, the arm plates ripple with a mechanical noise, and they nod. "Good. I want it to work out. I'll. Let you get back to what you were doing, now."

"Just getting ready to go look for the people we're still missing," he sighs as he leans across the mattress to reach for his bag and pull it closer so he can double-check he has everything he needs, including some water and a packet of crackers. People in pain might not have been able to sleep, after all, so he's been cutting his own food short and making up for it with the other two Beacon necessities in order to make sure there's still food for others who don't have all options available to them. In times like these, at least they have the flexibility that evidently comes with death.

Satisfied he's prepared, he stands and shoulders the bag, then clips his lantern to the strap. "I'll see you around."

Soldat heads for the door, and holds it for Rosi since he seems ready to go. They absolutely understand the nonexistant joys of rationing. They're doing it, too. And doing their best to stretch what they have in the daily meals. "Good luck, Rosinante. I'll be going out again after my sleep, too. Here's hoping we find some of them."

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